Posts Tagged ‘reclaiming life’

body apologyThis has been my meditation lately and my question for myself.

 

(I am down weight wise 115 pounds which is not important, it is just a number but it does mean one thing, I have a lot more free time as I am not eating all the time, but doing other things like meditating on things like this, lol)

 

I recently read something somewhere (not sure where) this premise or idea:

We are either eating for health and to nourish our bodies or we are eating for our disease.

 

Think about it? If you pondered each bite that went into your mouth and ask this question, what would the answer be?

Is this piece of fudge, fad laden chips (or sugar and salt laden baked chips) or sugar candy going to feed and nourish my body with great nutrients or feed the high blood pressure, the diabetes, the coronary artery disease (etc etc)?

Does the sweetness of good and nutritious things full of wonderful body healing antioxidants, vitamins and minerals say in a piece of fruit, fresh vegetables (that aren’t cooked to death or laden with fatty sauces and butter) or lean protein sources lead to my long life, my vitality, my body’s happiness and weight control?

Am I eating to nourish my Life and my body or am I eating what will cause my body’s disease?

What would your answer be?

It takes awhile possibly to start tasting the mouth coating greasiness of fried foods (that somehow tastes disgusting to me now honestly) when the mouth has become accustomed to eating this way. I know because I was that person. I loved fried foods, fatty Poor Boys full of grease soaked fried seafood! (I live in New Orleans after all!) I recently tasted a bite of fried food and I hated it! (It was 15 months since I had dared to try it) I couldn’t take another bite! I am not complacent though. I have been on the weight loss/weight gain dance for a long time, like most of my life, and I know I would “get over” that initial grease repulsion if I slip back into my bad habits and the weight would pile back on again! Same with sugary, over salted foods. I had to wean myself off of some of them or quit cold turkey like a bad habit. It wasn’t easy. No one said this was easy but I have found out, if I look around and read out within the human world around me hundreds and thousands (even) of people are contending with this each and every day!

 

I don’t want to go back there.

So, I ask myself eat day in my mindful eating way, what do I do?

Do I eat for nutrition and to nourish my life and body or am I eating my disease?

I think, for me, the choice is easy…….. Just for today, it is health I crave like water in the desert………..

inspiration

I think this needs examined a little.

First I think something needs to be lost first perhaps. Or it can be something that one needs to lose. Weight isn’t just all there is in this. With such an attitude I am finding this blog about weight loss is purely not about weight loss but needs to evolve somehow.

So evolve into what? Metamorphosis is the word. What is my personal metamorphosis? For what ever reason I allowed myself to get lost in obesity. I don’t even remember particularly how or why it started. After I get the great nutrition down and underway it is kind of moot except that personal self awareness and self honesty I MUST have to not go back to that deep dark unmoving, immobile space of obesity and zero life.

Second, I have to decide what it is I WANT? What do I want? I want to be part of life, of love, of involvement, of love, of laughter or owning the good and the bad and laughing on into my own destiny NO MATTER where I am at that moment. I want to redesign, to refashion my own life on the fly and own it. I want to be an evolutionary being, a sentient creature who is connected. Connected to myself is first to pardon the touchy-feely here. Then connected to others, included those significant in my life. First and always be true to my being.

It is my life. I want it, I crave it and where I might not (might) climb Mount Everest now, I might climb Mount St. Helens or Mount Manfield or my beloved Appalachian trail. (I have walked 1.2 miles of it which doesn’t do my goals justice, lol)

I can taste it.

When I was “tasting” everything buried in food I had zero taste of life. Now I am getting the gingery flavors of life, zest and passion!

Metamorphosis indeed…

This is my evolutionary quest!

I start the two week liquid diet countdown. Liquids for two weeks? I am hungry now on a basic low carb, low fat, reduced calorie healthy eating plan. It’s going to be a challenge for sure!

I feel fearless AND terrified, like a walking oxymoron..

Fearless seems to breed power and empowerment, terror seems to feed hunger.

I today I am going to do what I can to thrive in my fearless self. I am pretty sure it involves housework, gardening, walking and general distractions.

 

I am sure I am going to hunt down some online support groups like one I know, http://www.obesityhelp.com and hang out there a bit…read some posts. Take out my Nook and read a couple of the books I downloaded to get into this head thing I am doing.

I have lost (and gained) weight hundreds of times but now I am addressing how I think and where I wish to go in life. This surgery is just a tool on this road I am going on.