Posts Tagged ‘losing weight’

body apologyThis has been my meditation lately and my question for myself.

 

(I am down weight wise 115 pounds which is not important, it is just a number but it does mean one thing, I have a lot more free time as I am not eating all the time, but doing other things like meditating on things like this, lol)

 

I recently read something somewhere (not sure where) this premise or idea:

We are either eating for health and to nourish our bodies or we are eating for our disease.

 

Think about it? If you pondered each bite that went into your mouth and ask this question, what would the answer be?

Is this piece of fudge, fad laden chips (or sugar and salt laden baked chips) or sugar candy going to feed and nourish my body with great nutrients or feed the high blood pressure, the diabetes, the coronary artery disease (etc etc)?

Does the sweetness of good and nutritious things full of wonderful body healing antioxidants, vitamins and minerals say in a piece of fruit, fresh vegetables (that aren’t cooked to death or laden with fatty sauces and butter) or lean protein sources lead to my long life, my vitality, my body’s happiness and weight control?

Am I eating to nourish my Life and my body or am I eating what will cause my body’s disease?

What would your answer be?

It takes awhile possibly to start tasting the mouth coating greasiness of fried foods (that somehow tastes disgusting to me now honestly) when the mouth has become accustomed to eating this way. I know because I was that person. I loved fried foods, fatty Poor Boys full of grease soaked fried seafood! (I live in New Orleans after all!) I recently tasted a bite of fried food and I hated it! (It was 15 months since I had dared to try it) I couldn’t take another bite! I am not complacent though. I have been on the weight loss/weight gain dance for a long time, like most of my life, and I know I would “get over” that initial grease repulsion if I slip back into my bad habits and the weight would pile back on again! Same with sugary, over salted foods. I had to wean myself off of some of them or quit cold turkey like a bad habit. It wasn’t easy. No one said this was easy but I have found out, if I look around and read out within the human world around me hundreds and thousands (even) of people are contending with this each and every day!

 

I don’t want to go back there.

So, I ask myself eat day in my mindful eating way, what do I do?

Do I eat for nutrition and to nourish my life and body or am I eating my disease?

I think, for me, the choice is easy…….. Just for today, it is health I crave like water in the desert………..

Advertisements

I choose me..

 

I read this today (if you want to click on the link to see the image, you can do that of course) but the content of this struck me (I will share it here):

 

“Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away.
I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose honor my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose me”
~Daniel Keopke.

I thought this was profound when I read it. As a nice former (key word) people pleaser who was raised on self sacrifice, generosity and giving of myself too often I forgot myself in that equation. When I reviewed my life I realized this as I was losing weight this past year.

I think that being giving, caring, loving and even a level of self sacrifice is good and even noble and a spiritual virtue but not at the cost of losing myself and who and what I am to myself. If I can’t do what I need for self care and self love I cannot love another truly. And if my goal is to love fully, deeply richly I have to rethink this I found. Too many times I overate in resentment because I was over extending my own limits and boundaries of what I truly wished to do (even with my generous heart) to the point of and almost toxic unhappiness. I stuffed it all down with sweets for the sweetness I really needed to give myself instead of the junk and sugars.

 

“To thine own self be true.” There is some truth in that.

To be true to myself (and thus to others) I have to give myself permission to explore my life, to exercise and to have and make the time to do that, to walk away from housework and not be perfect at the menial or unimportant details that clogged my days because I thought that was what I “THOUGHT” I was supposed to do. To insist with those who don’t find the temptations of high carb, high fat, sugar laden, wasted junk food calories an issue to understand I can’t have these things around me and I won’t. I won’t.

Respect is what I had to insist on to feel I deserved it and to reap the rewards. I have a husband I love dearly but he is thin, healthy as can be and can eat anything. He means well and did not realize fully what an impact certain foods had on me when they surrounded me each night. Chocolates, ice creams, popcorn, chips, sweets, etc etc until it added up to yet another 20 pounds on my frame. One night I looked him in the eye and said, “Do you want me to live?” and of course he said, “yes” but he balked at the idea of not having these things each night. I struck a compromise that did not compromise me. I told him there was a long list of snack foods that he liked (but I did not) that I had no problem with and that he could eat anything in his shop or somewhere where I didn’t see him at any time. He mentioned the word, “will power” and at that point I was sure it was going to be war (but one I would mount for my life and my well being). After all, wouldn’t I fight hard for someone I love (even if I didn’t know her well yet?). I told him this. (I hate to fight.) Somehow when I insisted it mattered.

I felt in this small step and the hundreds since then (over 118 pounds ago) that I have more worth, more happiness, more love, more giving and more joy in the quality of my own life.  It’s richness has increased and I am sure those around me feel it. But even if they didn’t….

I choose me. I choose me.

 

 

Had my surgery on Friday and I obviously lived. It was pretty tough the first two days but feeling amazingly well today. Still weak but back on proteins. The first day home was probably the toughest but went past quickly.

Slept pretty well. Pain is not severe though affecting of course. Mostly sitting, watching movies, taking the vitamins and resting.

It was kind of scary right before I was discharged. Hoped I would be able to cope with this kind of surgical change but I am and I will continue to do so..

I was home 26 hours after I was admitted! Short huh?

LOL

More later….

  1. Walk (always the best thing)!
  2. Write here..
  3. Plan meals – healthy meals
  4. Shop for these healthy nutritious meals and snacks – especially in fresh food markets!
  5. Write long and meaningful letters to loved ones (real handwritten ones would be cool or of course e-mails) or send cards to those I care about
  6. Do volunteer work, rewarding, changes the world a little bit to a better place, meaningful and helpful (and is good for the heart and soul)
  7. Listen to music, write music, be someone’s muse, orchestrate music, learn and instrument, organize long IPod (or other mp3) uploads for when I do #1.
  8. Paint, draw, (I am an artist), use collage to (cut out magazine images/words and glue to poster board) show my journal of my journey kind of list a visual diary. Color in color books, anything creative, you don’t have to be an artist (I am one).
  9. Journal (here, in writing on my patio, at a park or in my backyard)
  10. Commune with nature
  11. Go the pool and swim (easy on the joints, great for weight loss – wonderful on the muscles and good for the heart).
  12. Go fishing if you like that or camping if that is your thing or hiking anywhere (see #1)
  13. Go to the park and just hang out.
  14. Read (anything) – like this blog maybe? Read a good good book, get involved in reading and/or listen to audiobooks. do it outside if you can. I have and E-reader and love it! Download books
  15. Movies (I LOVE them but do avoid the sitting in front of the TV all day trap)
  16. Be involved in a support group in person or online – again being supportive gets my nose out of my navel (and helps me in the process).
  17. Be involved in an interest group. Hunt through your area’s “Meetup” groups (see http://www.meetup.com to find some). If you like gaming, it’s there, if you like discussing books, movies, culture, board games, playing cards, it’s probably there and go! IF there are none where you are, start one! Weight loss support groups are super cool.
  18. Sewing, crafts, woodworking, leather work or any other hobbies that truly interest you.
  19. Clean, anything, spring clean, wash laundry, make beds but make sure you open the windows and get fresh air all preferably while listening to music you love.
  20. Organize your world. A cluttered home is a cluttered mind/body and soul. Get rid of things you haven’t used for a year and donate it. (Again good for the heart and soul those less fortunate than you!)
  21. LEARN something/anything new! Take a class, join a discussion group where you learn things, go to lectures (they are usually free) at a University or a library,  read Wikipedia, subscribe to education RSS feeds/blogs or newsletters. Helps the mind grow, it’s interesting and learning is a wonderful thing!
  22. Watch the news, keep up with current events and be part of the world and your community. Reconnect, it’s so important to be connected with others. Stop the isolation! Image